It was just like any other Friday, roll outta bed, throw my hair in a messy bun, put on my scrubs, grab a box of the extra cheesy goldfish and hit the road for work! I remember my drive in that day, the clouds were starting to part, the sun was peaking through, and there was a slight breeeze, one that was just enough to brush through the window while my seat warmer was on. It was my Fathers birthday. I called him to wish him Happy Birthday and my last few words were, " lets both make today the absolute best and then we can continue the night with celebrating you dad!" He was all on board.
I walk into work and get a rush of patients right off the bat. It was no longer than an hour and my cell phone went off, it was my boss. He said "Borgen, do you have a minute to chat? head on outside away from others and lets shoot the breeze a minute." I grabbed my purse and went to my car away from everyone to talk. He said, " How's your day going so far," great morning, great day at work so far, and it's my dads birthday so him and I will both be in great spirits the whole day! He muttled a few words and I heard a deep sigh on the other end of the phone... "well, Haley, we've worked together for 9 years and I know you pretty darn good, you're built for bigger, you were built for more, I don't see this as your long term goal working here, I see you running a place, working at a non profit, being a speaker, and loving on everyone around you.. and this place is not it. He continues to speak very fast and tries to rush a 2 hour conversation all into 8 minutes. With hesitation I blurted out.. I... I... I'm confused. He said, " today's the end of the road Borgen, go inside get your belongings and spread your wings and fly. Go get that dream job I know you're capable of. The thoughts started rushing through my mind, I started to get a headache, it was as if I could feel a thousand tiny needles pricking my forehead all at once. I begged, what did I do wrong? what am I missing here? why is this happening? Than the other thoughts started to cloud my thinking, how will I pay bills? how will I buy food, how do I break this news?
And.. just like that, I was jobless. One would think I would feel hopeless as well, but to my surprise there was an over whelming peace that set in. I wasn't scared, I wasn't nervous, I wasn't sad.. infact..the rest of that day I was more content than I've ever been. Something in me knew that wasn't the place for me, it wasn't where God saw me long term, and that place was no longer my jouney. I said out loud to myself, "If God wanted me to stay, that door would have stayed open, but if God saw something more forseeable he would close the door right in front of me.
That's the tough part isn't it, when he knows the best plan yet we don't have a clue what's going on. When he closes a door and turns our world upside down in a minute's time and we are left with all unknowns and what if's. When he is whispering "trust me" and all we can think is how, how how? It seems as if it's a blurry, windey, hopeless, draining road ahead, what am I suppose to do Lord."
And thats where Faith comes in, Faith is trusting even though we cannot see. Trusting, even when we do not know and Trusting even though we woulda never picked this plan for ourselves.
I took a few days off to enjoy, put the past in the past and started becoming hopeful for what the future held for me. That part was actually easy, thinking of what my life could look like, where I might start over, where the new road could lead. Thrilling, Hopeful, Ecstatic!
In the blink of an eye February turned into March, March slowly dwindled into April, April cruised into May and before I knew it I applied for 78 jobs. Draining.. YES! Throughout the job searching process a close friend of mine told me the job market is pretty slow and places are taking atleast 4 weeks to get back to an applicant. Talk about the emotional rollercoaster. Hopeful to see a job thats interesting, frusterating to apply and fill out applications that ask 60 questions, to submit and have to wait "patiently" to even hear if they're interested in an interview.
I heard 78 No's.. No, No thank you, Not interested, We've searched elsewhere...you'd be wonderful but... the list goes on! I would have way rather seen an email come back with big red letters saying DENIED, rather than explainging all the positives and then in size 8 size way at the bottom be rejected.
Through these few months, I had the absolute best times of my life, however financially the worst time of my life. Let me explain. I got to bring my dad to a surgery and be right by his side the following days. I got to wake up to my sister who works at home everyday, we got to each lunch together every single day. I had a phone call with a friend Chantell every single day at 12:00 sharp that daily I would look forward to. I got to swing in to my parents jobs and visit. How about bonfires night after night at a friends house, with no worry of waking up bright and early to an alarm. A routine started every Thursday night at my friend Jess' house where we'd talk and have game night. Cant beat that! and lastly and most importantly.. I had so much undivided attention with Jesus. I got to know him more and he got to know me. I had more time to pray for my friends and family and people I have yet met. I got to study the word and read my bible without rushing through the pages. It was undivided time and time I needed with him at that.
But while I raved about the greats, we cannot forget about the hurdles. The first month was glorious, the second month I could see things were starting to get tough, and the third was downright HARD! Physically, mentally, emotionally hard. It was like climbing an obstacle course waiting to see the end, climbing, tugging, crawling, jumping to get there... yet the end was no where in sight. I absolutely was the lady to count her dimes at the gas station and hold up the line, I absolutely was the lady to call all of her bill companies and tell them "I just don't have it this month" and I absolutely was the one who had to say No to the charities that I wanted to help even friends who were struggling, and that was the toughest. I knew money didn't define me however not being able to help others.. that crushed me, in fact.. I was the one who needed all the help I could get.
I got to a place in May where I had to wipe the tears, block the fears and be vulnerable and tell people in my life I needed help financially. People helped me in the most tremendous ways I didn't know were possible. A dearest friend leaving envelopes of money for me day after day, a friend who'd call every single day to ask how the job hunt was going, a selfless friend who actually paid my way to Myrtle Beach for a bachelorette party so I could still go and celebrate and carry out some normalcy in my life and the same one to hand me her credit card and say " it's yours for the weekend." A sister would paid for my bills, food and roof over my head. A church family provide my rent for another month so I didn't have to struggle.. The list goes gratefully on! I still at night break down and cry and am reminded of those who helped me when I couldn't help my self. Those are not just actions but a character of who you are and the love you have. So Thank you again.
Alright.. the final stretch of the journey.
The 79 applicaton, I received an email back from Regency Hospital saying they wanted to interview me for a Human Resource position. This job was one that when I applied I got giddy and antsy because I wanted it so bad. 3 interviews one with the recruiter, one with Human Resources and the last with the Regional Director. After two short weeks....... SOLD!!!!! I GOT IT! PRAISE THE LORD! But here is the best part.. God is funny.. super funny and mysterious.
What seemed as getting a job that I wanted being in Human Resources, but what I didn't come to realize was everything God was lining up through the 4 months I was jobless and moneyless. It was everything I prayed for since I was 15 for a job. It was close to home, check! My own office, check! Could eat at my desk without getting in trouble, check! Better pay than I was making, Check! My boss was a Believer, check! She even asked in my interview how I handle stress and I said " wether this is appropariate answer or not, I open my devotional and say a prayer." She said Really? Me too!" and lastly.. one that I am in awe of, I am also in charge of outreach at the hospital." I was searching for Non Profit jobs the 4 months I was in need, and here the Lord provided the outreach Non Profit work right in the place I got hired at. Toys for Tots, Relay for Life, Coat Drives, Feed My Starving Children. He was able to find a place where I could utilize my gifts and passions all into one. I have now been at this job for about a month and I believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I feel so much peace, contenment, I get excited to go to work each day, I talk about what God has done for me and the road I recently traveled. I am so excited to what lies ahead there.
You may ask.. why share such a long personal story Haley, well for a reasons.
1. The same God who provided for me, can provide for you and will provide for you. He never promised the road would be easy, be he always promised it would be worth it. There will be trouble, there will be pain and hurdles but he always has your best interst in mind. It may not come how you want it, it may not look as it seems, it may not be in the time frame that you think it should be... but when its oh so right and perfect, and he is unraveling it to you.
2. To shed some hope to you and light within you, that hard times are moments passing through. It doesn't last forever, the pain you're feeling, the unknown you're facing.. IS TEMPORARY! Don't get down, Don't get stuck in the pits, that's not where you're staying. You are a warrior, a conquerer and you will rise above.
3. Live with your wings spread. Let go of disaterous or fearful expectations. No more sleepless nights. No more overpowering people or thoughts running through your mind dictating how your life should be. Live with your head held high, your wings spread. Soar and Fly into peace that comes with each day. Turn your mind into a peace factory, turn your emotions into a healing hospital, and make Faith your wings. You got this!
4. Next time you find yourself in a situation that's not as you would have planned, tell yourself " maybe I have to go through this cause the Best is waiting on the other side."
Until next time,